I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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