i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
