Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
