I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Panties = found
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
