How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I want is dick and wine.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize