Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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