I wish I could teleport
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
