it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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