im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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