I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
