He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
