I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Found the puke drawer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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