My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize