So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
