There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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