Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize