Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
