I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
