dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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