i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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