Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
