how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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