its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
