im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
