just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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