He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
