i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
