There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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