did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
