I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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