so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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