What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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