Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
