Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
