i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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