Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My first STD was from a foam party
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
