Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
and you fell through a lawn chair
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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