I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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