From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
