I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
