Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
