see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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