Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
