Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
