at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
