Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize