I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
