So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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