You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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