I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
