She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize