I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize