I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
