Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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