"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
