Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
