He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
