i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The best revenge is premature balding
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
