just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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