Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
