i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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