Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The Olympian is in my bed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
