Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize