I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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