i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
