he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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