All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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