he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
