M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
