allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
