If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
