Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize