I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
whose parrot is this?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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