I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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