Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
