I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
