turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
