i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
