a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
