I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
