I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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