Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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