I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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