i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
