Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
