so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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