I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize