genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
