I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
