it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
