I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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