remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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