I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
