wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
