she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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