dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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