How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
