sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
