Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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