Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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