Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
