My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
