He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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