Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
