Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
