My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
