hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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