i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
