I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
