He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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