Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
